I don't know about you, but I seem to find myself apologizing for emotions or tears. Lately, I've been apologizing when I shed tears of grief that my Maggie May is gone. It's been a year after all. Why am I still crying and why does my heart still break? But, she was my 1 in a million (I think dog owners always have that extra special one) .... my travel buddy and hiking buddy and confidant and copilot in life - she was my angel with fur... and my model/muse. It is hard having this road adventure without her - my best fur friend. It was such a blessing to be able to open my heart & life up so grandly and largely to this furry soul. To be able to love so deeply is a gift and a blessing. The downside is that the heart break is also so deep.
Somehow I thought one day the missing her would ease, or the tears would stop and the apologies would come when this wasn't the case. What I now realize is that I won't ever stop missing her. And that is OK. When we lose someone (or a furry someone) it's okay to keep missing them, and to keep feeling that empty spot and to be authentic about it all. And it's okay to let someone else in (or another pet) and a new space will be filled, but that other empty spot will always be there. And just letting myself know I will always miss her and will probably always shed tears of joy but also sadness that she is gone, somehow makes me feel better. And I'm going to stop apologizing for all that. And that feels very good, too.